4 dpo

Its been a long road the last couple of months during our infertility struggles. Last month, we were inseminated. The two week wait was excruciating. I swore that I wouldn't test every day but come day 7 I was going insane. I started taking test after test. I think we spent about $60 on different brands of pregnancy tests. We finally got a faint positive on day 13. That same day, I started bleeding. I wasn't too terribly concerned at first because I had bled with the girls off and on the entire pregnancy. But as time went on, the bleeding was pretty heavy. I ended up going in for a quant HCG test on a Friday night. The results showed only a 7. We pretty much knew that the pregnancy wasn't going anywhere. I went to the ER on Saturday night for excessive bleeding. My numbers were already down to 3. We were pretty upset. I had thought about all the things that I possibly did wrong and it completely killed me. We were going to wait for a few months to try again but... of course it didn't happen like that.

Last Friday night, I got a positive ovulation. We weren't going to try again so we just ignored it, thinking I would go get my blood drawn for the progesterone levels anyway the week later. On Saturday, the ovulation was still positive. No biggie. On Sunday night, it was still positive. This i when I began to think maybe someone is trying to tell us something. On Monday morning, it was negative. At this point, I started to think that my egg was just hanging out in there- going no where unless we do something about it. It was too late to schedule an insemination, but we could do it at home. I talked to Josh and he was really excited to try at home. Within two hours, he had gone to pick up the supplies necessary and come home. I had my doubts as to whether it was going to work. We couldn't get a catheter long enough for a true intracervical insemination so we just had to work with what we had. I spent an entire hours with my hips on pillows and my legs up around my head. I then spent the rest of the afternoon laying around.

Its insane but I have basically been having symptoms since. Monday afternoon, I was so crampy. TMI coming up- CM has been white and milky. Today started out with headaches, sore breasts, and cramps. I am exhausted. I may be going crazy but I am pretty sure that we have a good chance of this thing happening. Im also terrified that this little one won't stick around like last month. I am not going to take a test until next Saturday which will be day 12 because I don't want to make myself completely crazy, paranoid, and depressed with each early negative, but the thought of starting to bleed again will definitely be looming. Please say a little prayer for us as well as some baby dust. We really want this little one to stick around to play.